Saturday, April 23, 2011
mungkin dulu aku menangis bila mendapat pesanan ringkas ini....namun aku kini tabah melalui semua ini...mungkin kerna kata2nya + tindakan yang banyak membuatku menangis dan sedar yang aku bukan siapa2 baginya.....namun kini aku mampu bergerak tanpanya...tanpa merindui atau mencintainya lagi....lega aku makin kuat untuk menghadapi dugaan hari ke hari....mampu bersyukur yang aku kini mampu berdiri tanpa siapa pun
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
If you want to heal from emotional abuse, you may want to start with your childhood. Emotional abuse often has roots going all the way back to early development. Emotional abuse of children can result in serious emotional and behavioral problems, including depression, lack of attachment, low cognitive ability, and poor social skills – all things that affect adult life and especially adult relationships.
In studies, children who were emotionally abused were found to grow up angry and uncooperative, lacking in creativity, persistence, and enthusiasm.
Modeling is especially important here, because the child may either imitate violent behavior, or learn that being abused is normal. Once gained, these roles are very hard to unlearn, and set the tone and model of behavior for their adult relationships.
When put into action, angry and violent verbal abuse such as blaming, ridiculing, insulting, swearing, yelling and humiliation will have long-term negative effects on a woman’s self-esteem and contribute to feelings of uselessness, worthlessness and self-blame. Her reaction to and acceptance of abuse may have been learned when she was a child. It is important to recognize this behavior and learn how to reverse it.
Emotional abuse can have serious physical and psychological consequences for women, including severe depression, anxiety, persistent headaches, back and limb problems, and stomach problems.
In order to heal from emotional abuse we need to bear in mind the following:
- Become aware of your situation, call abuse as abuse and stop accepting his “tough love”.
- Recognize that change is earned – it will come only if you work for it. Nobody will rescue you against your will.
- Research emotional abuse books and learn as much as you can.
- Learn to recognize abusive relationships and how to avoid them, everywhere.
- Begin building a support system by reaching out to community resources.
- When in doubt, find your best resource: a professional advisor educated in abusive relationships.
• What does it take to heal from emotional abuse?
In order to live a happy and peaceful life, we need to learn ways to achieve and meet our needs and goals in an ethical and healthy manner; we need to receive sound affection, we need to be accepted and respected for who we are, we need to be able to meet our basic needs (material, emotional, spiritual, professional, etc.), we need to feel we can reach our goals in life successfully, and achieve every task we carry on (study, work, career, etc.) without feeling threatened by others.
Grown adults need to recognize and process childhood abuse in order to move forward and function in a normal, healthy relationship. In other words, it is hard to know where you’re going if you haven’t come to terms with where you’ve been.
"Our parents were emotionally abused in childhood because their parents were emotionally abused in childhood. Our parents were our role models who taught us how to relate to ourselves and our own emotions."
"The most destructive emotional abuse is the emotional abuse we learned to inflict upon ourselves. We formed our core relationship with self in early childhood and have been judging and shaming ourselves ever since. The most destructive thing about the emotional abuse we suffered because our parents were wounded, was that we incorporated the messages we got from their behavior into our relationship with self. We emotionally abuse ourselves on a daily basis."
Abuse comes in many forms: verbal, physical, mental, sexual, and of course emotional, which underlies all other types of abuse.
Those who abuse have not come to terms with their own past emotional issues. Whether it's insecurities they haven't dealt with or the need to maintain complete control of their world, they will rob you of your freedoms in order to feel better about themselves. They will attempt to achieve power by lowering your self-worth because they're threatened by you, or because they don't understand or respect you. Abusers are weak and have personal limitations they have yet not learned to overcome. The less they feel in control the more abusive they get, as they fall into their own limited emotional states which are usually outside their conscious awareness.
This is important to know because, while you are the one who is made to feel inadequate, the abuse you receive seldom has anything to do with you. Unfortunately, we often carry the scars long after the abuse ended.
Ways people abuse you
THE LONG TERM EFFECTS OF ABUSE include detachment, isolation, and a feeling of being unreal or cold to the world. It lowers self-worth and self-esteem. Past memories may be hazy or entire portions of a persons past may not even be accessible. Unresolved feelings from past abuse are a major cause of emotional disorders, including anxiety, panic attacks, stress, depression and OCD.
UNRESOLVED NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND STRESS have been credited for up to 75% of all hospital stays. Those who have not come to terms with past abuse, especially abuse they suffered in childhood, will have a harder time dealing with stressful situations in their lives. They'll end up tapping into whatever negative emotions they're carrying every time a situation occurs which reminds them of the abuse they've suffered in the past. Since these reactions happen in the recesses of the subconscious, they may have no understanding of why they feel bad.