Wednesday, April 20, 2011

healing from abuse

Abuse comes in many forms: verbal, physical, mental, sexual, and of course emotional, which underlies all other types of abuse.

Those who abuse have not come to terms with their own past emotional issues. Whether it's insecurities they haven't dealt with or the need to maintain complete control of their world, they will rob you of your freedoms in order to feel better about themselves. They will attempt to achieve power by lowering your self-worth because they're threatened by you, or because they don't understand or respect you. Abusers are weak and have personal limitations they have yet not learned to overcome. The less they feel in control the more abusive they get, as they fall into their own limited emotional states which are usually outside their conscious awareness.

This is important to know because, while you are the one who is made to feel inadequate, the abuse you receive seldom has anything to do with you. Unfortunately, we often carry the scars long after the abuse ended.

Ways people abuse you

  • Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas
  • Accuse and blame to divert attention away from them selves
  • Refuse to take another's point of view and irrationally defend their point of view
  • With hold information so the abused will look bad later on ("you should have known that"). Not sharing information someone is entitled to
  • Not acknowledging another's feeling
  • Slighting or taking digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner. Allows the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive
  • Changing the subject to divert attention from them selves
  • Making someone feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser.
  • Threatening or hinting of physical, mental or sexual abuse
  • Denying anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self)
  • Inappropriate emotional out bursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame)
  • Controlling others to domineer and limit the freedom or expression
  • Forgetting commitments and promises.
  • Denying success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser.
  • Taking advantage of ones weakness or using shame, guilt or fear against another
  • Manipulating another person against their will
  • Submissive actions
  • Cutting some one off so they are not allowed to speak. Suppressing self-expression.
  • Eliminating your ability to choose
  • Inappropriate questions or comments to evoke an emotional response
  • Humiliating someone in front of others or inappropriately pushing their buttons
  • Pretending to understand your concerns, and then disregarding them
  • Slandering some ones name, reputation, associations oractivities

THE LONG TERM EFFECTS OF ABUSE include detachment, isolation, and a feeling of being unreal or cold to the world. It lowers self-worth and self-esteem. Past memories may be hazy or entire portions of a persons past may not even be accessible. Unresolved feelings from past abuse are a major cause of emotional disorders, including anxiety, panic attacks, stress, depression and OCD.

UNRESOLVED NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND STRESS have been credited for up to 75% of all hospital stays. Those who have not come to terms with past abuse, especially abuse they suffered in childhood, will have a harder time dealing with stressful situations in their lives. They'll end up tapping into whatever negative emotions they're carrying every time a situation occurs which reminds them of the abuse they've suffered in the past. Since these reactions happen in the recesses of the subconscious, they may have no understanding of why they feel bad.

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