Here's a very simple technique that takes 3 minutes that you can practice anytime you start to feel overwhelmed by your fearful, angry feelings and negative thoughts.
Use this technique when your negative thoughts and feelings are keeping you from functioning in your daily life and you want to shift them to more empowering ones. Negative thoughts and feelings can become a habit but they can also be changed.
- SIT--Sit in a quiet place. (The bathroom will do).
- SETTLE--Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, bringing your breath into your feet so that you feel grounded and connected to the earth. Feel yourself slowing down and your breathing deepen. (Maybe 30 seconds)
- AWARENESS--Come into awareness of your negative thoughts in this moment. (What exactly are you thinking? Example: "I'm thinking that I'm a real loser when it comes to relationships.")
- ASK--Ask yourself if you know your negative thoughts to be true--absolutely true. Can you find evidence to the contrary? Chances are you can find somewhere in your life where your thoughts cannot be substantiated.
- ALLOW--Bring your attention to your heart or gut area and feel the sensations in your body. (What are you feeling in your body? Is there tightness, a big knot, emptiness, heaviness?) Allow your sensations to be there without judging them and breathe into that area of the body. (If you feel heavy in your heart area, breathe into that heaviness until the sensation softens. If you felt a knot in your gut area, breathe into that knot until it starts to loosen.)
- REPLACE--Replace the limiting, self-defeating "movie" running in your head to one that is more in alignment with what you want in your life--because the reality is that both outcomes are possible. Run this new movie whenever you feel your negative thoughts coming up in the future. (If you know that your negative thoughts aren't true but you see yourself alone forever and in pain, replace that "movie" with one that could happen that you'd like much better. See yourself taking your next step in an empowered way instead of the damaging cycle you find yourself in.)
Practice this as many times a day that you need. Keep a copy of it with your phone in case you are tempted to call your ex. Put a copy in your car to remind you to stop yourself before you drive by his or her new living situation.