Tuesday, January 24, 2012


i saw the break-up of my 8 year relationship to my previous partner long before it actually happened but when it actually happened,i was devastated.for many years, the two of us had drifted apart,almost leading separate lives.i took a lot of workshops and trainings that didn't interest him and I wasn't interested in hanging around his new friends.we just wanted to live our lives differently.together, we decided that our relations was over but when the actual time came for him to move out,i was so afraid and upset that i almost couldn't breathe.a few days after he left,i remember rushing outside to lay in my hammock because i just couldn't get my breath when i was in the house alone.my thoughts and fears would get the best of me and even though i knew it was the best thing for us to separate,i was truly frozen with fear about how i was going to maintain the house on my own and that i might never find someone else to love and who would love me.i felt so alone,more alone than i had ever felt in my life. even though i had a lot of friends.but they were married and i wasn't or wouldn't be much longer.although they were understanding,they really couldn't understand what this loneliness felt like to me.i felt like everything in my life had been turned upside down and I didn't even know who I was anymore.believe me,i did a lot of things wrong after my now ex left-things that just kept making my pain worse.i spent several months after he moved out worrying about him,whether he was taking care of himself,his new living conditions and how he was emotionally.

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