FORGIVE AND FORGET

This phrase I heard often. Let’s examine the concept of forgiving and forgetting in an adult relationship.

What does forgiving in a relationship mean?

Here are some examples for the forgiver:

• Forgiving in a relationship means that you accept that no-one is perfect

• Forgiving in a relationship means that you are not prepared to hold grudges

• Forgiving in a relationship means that you genuinely believe that your partner/person feels remorse and are sincerely sorry for their word and or actions

• Forgiving in a relationship means that you have accepted your partner’s explanation

• Forgiving in a relationship means that your partner has accepted the blame and owned up to whatever it is they have said or done and that you believe that your partner will learn from his/her mistakes and will not repeat the deed in the future

• Forgiving in a relationship means that you will trust your partner and are prepared to continue with the relationship without putting barriers in place

• To forgiving someone/your partner is the open display of the love you feel for him/her

• Forgiving in a relationship is letting go of grudges, lies and disappointment

What is the difference between forgiving and forgetting?

Here are some examples for the forgiver:

• Forgetting is being able to put the past behind you and no longer let this issue form a barrier between you and your partner

• Forgetting is no longer referring to the issue that caused the problem. Never throwing up to your partner jibes and comments of what took place at that time

• Forgetting is being able to let go of hurt and anger and not allowing these emotions to erode your relationship

• Forgetting the deed will strengthen your relationship in the long-term

• Forgetting is the ability to enable your partner to re-establish a loving relationship with you

• Forgetting is adhering to a joint ‘plan’ that re-establishes basic behavior and ground rules in the relationship

• Forgetting is letting go any thoughts of revenge

‘What do you believe forgiving and forgetting means?’

Here are some examples to help you:

• If you ask forgiveness you want it understood that you don’t want to speak about the incident again

• If you ask for forgiveness you want it understood that you don’t want your partner to interpret this as a sign that you are feeble

• If you ask for forgiveness you want it understood that you don’t want your partner to use this against you

• If you ask for forgiveness you want it understood that it has been difficult for you to do and are only doing so because you believe the relationship is worth you both trying harder to make it work

In Step 1 I suggested a list of questions you should ask yourself. In this Step I am encouraging you to answer these questions. Take as long as you like, but answer them honestly. I will assist you in this exercise by offering an explanation of each question.

I will repeat the questions I mentioned in Step 1 and will give an explanation for each of them:

• Have you asked someone/your partner to forgive you?

• Have you really wanted to be forgiven by that person/your partner?

• Have you only asked to be forgiven in order to keep your partner happy and continue to believe that they are still in control of the relationship?

• Have you found it easy to ask for forgiveness?

• Have you asked for forgiveness so many times that you now feel de-valued and lacking self-worth?

• Have you paid the price of repeatedly asking for forgiveness from your partner even when you have done no wrong?

• Have you lost the love you had for your partner through accepting blame and because you have been expected to ask for forgiveness?

Let’s look at the first question:

1. ‘Have you asked someone/your partner to forgive you?’

If you answer ‘yes’ to this question then you will know how difficult and embarrassing it is to acknowledge to your partner the fact that you believe and own that you have made a mistake. This gesture requires courage and honesty. If you are or were able to ask for forgiveness the non-verbal communication you are giving your partner is that you won’t make the same mistake again. If you are not genuine in asking for forgiveness then you will be asking your partner for forgiveness because you know that is what is needed for your partner to forget the problem. In other words you are lying to your partner for your own hidden agenda.

In order to move on and have a healthy relationship it is vital that you mean what you say and that you are not just saying the words to ‘shut your partner up’.

If you are honest and really mean what you say, how did it feel asking for forgiveness?

Here are some examples of how it feels to ask for forgiveness?

• It feels humiliating

• It feels embarrassing

• It feels humbling

• It feels confrontational

• It feels empowering

• It feels that you are trusting and have blind faith in the process of forgiveness

• It feels childish that at my age I need to ask for forgiveness

• It feels like you are emotionally cleansing your mind

• It feels like a relief to get it off your chest

• It feels like letting go of something bad

• It feels like the beginning of a fresh start

Has your partner/someone ever thrown something up to you that you have asked forgiveness for?

If you have experienced this act of betrayal of trust, then you will be disinclined to be honest and own up in the future. Trust is an essential element in moving on from asking for forgiveness and it is the last thing you would expect your partner to do.

If you have experienced this act of betrayal how did/does it make you feel?

Here are some examples:

• It makes you feel betrayed

• It makes you feel worthless

• It makes you feel foolish

• It makes you feel you will never apologise or ask for forgiveness again

• It makes you feel embarrassed particularly if it is done in front of other people

• It makes you feel hurt

• It makes you feel angry

• It makes you feel revengeful

• It makes you feel resentment

As you can see this list is endless. These are all powerful feelings that will be imprinted in your memory and will stop you from being honest and owning up to anything else in the future.

In the forgiving and forgetting stage what are the thoughts and emotions you are aware of?

Here are some examples to assist you:

• The thoughts provoke you to look at yourself

• The thoughts provoke you to look at your partner

• The thoughts provoke you to value your relationship

• The thoughts provoke you to being anxious about appearing vulnerable to you partner

• The thoughts provoke you to feel sorry that you have messed things up

It is difficult to look at yourself, your behavior, attitude, actions, speech but this is integral to coming to terms with identifying what it is exactly that needs to change.

Let’s take a look at each of these statements

The thoughts provoke you to look at yourself

Some people do not want to look at their own behaviour. Others believe that they are always right whatever the circumstances. To forgive and forget you will accept that you must look at the part you have played in the scenario that has unfolded. If you cannot see that you had a part to play and acknowledge what that part was, you will be unable to move on from this stuck stage. It is the height of vanity and arrogance to believe that you are always totally blameless.

The thoughts provoke you to look at your partner

Most people find it easier to look at the behaviour of others than to look at their own behaviour. You are too ready to criticise someone else than to criticise yourself. If I asked you to make a list of your partner’s bad points I am sure that you could recall and identify your partner’s bad points very quickly. You will find it easier to pin point the role your partner has played in the scenario and will blank out or block your role in the scenario. Love is being able to love your partner despite his/her faults.

The thoughts provoke you to value your relationship

When you are able to acknowledge and accept your role in the scenario and also accept that you have played a significant part in creating and continuing the problem, then you will see that you must take partial responsibility and accountability for the way things have turned out. The negative side of acceptance is that you might feel foolish that you have jumped to conclusions too soon and interpreted what your partner has said or done wrongly. The positive side of acceptance is that you are behaving as a mature adult in finding out and accepting that you did have a role to play and that you are prepared to accept the responsibility of your errors.

The thoughts provoke you to be anxious about appearing vulnerable to your partner

If you feel vulnerable due to accepting responsibility for your actions in the scenario it will be because accepting responsibility is a new thing for you to do and the more you understand yourself and your interactions with others/your partner, the easier it will be for you to do this.

The thoughts provoke you to feeling sorry that you have messed things up

2. Have you really wanted to be forgiven by your partner?

You should only ask for forgiveness from your partner if you genuinely believe that you were partly to blame. Before asking for forgiveness it is essential that you look at your role in the situation and are able to identify where you went wrong in your interaction with your partner regarding the conflicting issue. If you are unable to do this, asking for forgiveness is useless in the moving on stage as there will be no moving on for either of you when this happens as the future will be based on a lie.

3. Have you only asked for forgiveness in order to keep your partner happy and continue to believe that they are still in control of the relationship?

Ask yourself, ‘how many times have you asked for forgiveness just to keep your partner happy?’ and ‘why do you do this?’ Many women I have counselled have used this strategy on a regular basis. It’s the ‘peace at any price’ method. When you adopt this strategy what you are actually doing is storing up the conflicting issues in your memory box and continuing doing this will result in you becoming resentful and bitter towards your partner.

4. Have you found it easy to ask for forgiveness?

When you ask for forgiveness it is natural to feel vulnerable and foolish. The truth is, however, that saying you are sorry and asking for forgiveness strengthens your mind, re-energises your soul and empowers you. You will feel humility perhaps for the first time and whilst this experience highlights your weakness it will be beneficial in the long term by strengthening your character.

5. Have you asked for forgiveness so many times that you now feel devalued and lacking in self-worth?

If your partner is in control of the relationship and expects you to be servile to him/her you will feel disempowered and lacking in self-worth. It’s a vicious circle isn’t it? Your partner expects you to react in a particular way and you try to fulfil your obligations by complying to his/her wishes but when do you stop reacting and using this disabling method? To restate this question, ‘how can you begin to look at each other and your relationship in a more positive light?

Here are some ideas and options that you could try:

• You can do this by putting each other first

• You can do this by taking the first step in changing your reactions during arguments. Not any drastic changes just small simple ones that don’t require much effort on your part

• Find out what your usual pattern is when you are in conflict with your partner. Do you run to a friend or a family member for support? Try not to do this and instead remove yourself from the room and occupy yourself with some trivial task. By doing this you are sending several non-verbal messages to your partner that you (a) are not fazed by the conflict and do not need someone else to support you (b) you are confident enough to deal with yourself (c) you don’t put the problem and the conflict high on your support agenda. This will have an affect on the way your partner behaves and it should draw you closer to each other

• Devise a structure to get back your self-worth. Join a gym, join an educational class, go out shopping with friends, do anything that will empower you but nothing that will distance yourself any further from your partner

• During arguments. Stop speaking and ask for a hug. Your partner might be shocked and refuse to give you one but if you are persuasive I am sure that you will get one eventually. Doing this will, temporarily disarm your partner

• Aim for better communication between the two of you. Tell your partner that you don’t like arguing and would rather talk things through rationally and calmly

• Ask your partner how you could support him/her and tell your partner how he/she can support you

• Try and spend quality time together doing things, i.e., a walk, movies, meeting up with friends. By doing these things you will both be distracted from the conflict you are experiencing and also it will stop either of you needing support from others

• Re-make a commitment to each other

6. Have you paid the price of repeatedly asking for forgiveness from your partner even when you have done no wrong?

If you have engaged in this interaction you will have paid the price by experiencing your personality diminishing, your assertiveness evaporating, your behaviour becoming pathetic, and you will be unable to make a decision because you are treading on egg shells around your partner. All these things are a high price to pay particularly when you believe that you have done nothing wrong. This continued behaviour on your part will make you resentful of your partner which will create a distance between you that will be difficult to overturn. Please take into consideration that your behaviour only serves to reinforce your partner’s power over you and in the relationship. The bottom line is that you are actually colluding with your partner to ensure for him/her to stay the same. It is tempting in the first instance to adopt this method during conflict but it cannot be sustained over a long period of time without bitterness eroding the relationship. Continuing this practice can also result in you becoming depressed.

7. Have you lost the love you had for your partner through accepting blame and because you have been expected to ask for forgiveness?

Unfortunately this is the consequence of an unrealistic expectation your partner has placed on you and which you have succumbed to. Controlling someone is a risky business for the controller in that the relationship will only succeed on his/her terms. Eventually the servile partner will ‘wake up and smell the coffee’ and will want to stop behaving and reacting in this way. That is when the trouble really starts and the nastiness begins. The years you have spent hiding the bitterness and resentment will explode and will be difficult to contain. It will take a sold relationship and a lot of love to overcome this situation.

Here are some examples on how to overcome this situation:

• The servile partner must let go past resentments and hostility

• The servile partner will have to have ‘blind faith’ in moving on from this place

• The servile partner will have to release fears that he/she has hung on to

• The servile partner will have to take risks to overcome the situation

• The servile partner will have to work through the anger they are feeling (either with their partner, a trusted friend of a therapist

• The servile partner will have to practice and be comfortable with open and honest communication

• The servile partner will need to learn how to trust

• The servile partner must start believing that everyone has the capacity to change

• The servile partner must recognise and acknowledge their part in the conflicting scenarios

Here are some examples for the Controlling partner to adopt:

• The controller must learn to accept that his/her partner is an equal and has a right to be heard and have their say

• The controller must allow his/her partner to grow in the relationship

• The controller must allow sufficient time to elapse in order for the servile partner to readjust into his/her new role

• The controller must let go of his/her fears and need to control the relationship

• The controller must learn to take a risk and allow his/her partner to take the lead in the relationship some of the time

• The controller must learn to develop trust in his/her partner

• The controller must realise that the relationship is not a competition-no-one is the winner in a loving relationship

• The controller must learn their part in the conflicting scenario and be prepared to look at their thoughts, actions and behaviour patterns

• The controller should have support and/or guidance from a trusted friend, their partner or a professional therapist

This is a huge block to overcome for both partners and the good news is that it can be done.

Another exercise that could be useful at this stage of development is to ask these questions:

• Who is responsible for my behaviour in the conflict?

• Who is responsible for my reaction in the conflict?

• Who is responsible for my feelings in the conflict?

• Who is responsible for me being stuck in the conflict?

When you are able to answer these questions honestly you can move on to the next stage in the exercise.

Ask yourself:

• How can I put this conflict behind me?

• How can I forgive my partner?

• How can I make sure that I won’t be hurt in future conflicts if I let go of control?

• What reward do I get for blaming my partner for the feelings I experience?

If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa

How Do You Trust Someone That Has Cheated On U Twice?

With difficulty I'm afraid. Although you may choose to forgive someone, it is very difficult to forget what they have done. In this case is the issue is probably brought up whenever there is an argument or disagreement. It is not likely that a relationship will last if you are unable to draw a line in the sand and move on; this means you need to forgive AND forget in order to begin to pursue a successful relationship.

If the relationship was fairly new when the infidelity occurred, and if your partner admitted it because they felt the relationship was becoming serious, it may be worth putting the situation behind you and starting from scratch. This is easier as you can almost pretend in your own mind that the relationship wasn't yet official. In this case sit down and discuss what you both want out of the relationship and ensure that ground rules are firmly set. From this point on you will know that your partner is well aware of your expectations and is clear that you are indeed in an exclusive, serious relationship.

If the disloyalty happened during a serious relationship, I would imagine that it will be very difficult to build trust. Even if you want to forgive them for what they have done, it is always going to be at the back of your mind that they could make the same mistake again. Unless you are prepared to completely let go of the past, you may end up suffocating one another. Imagine how you will feel if your partner goes out with friends or has to go away on business; will this cause an argument or make you feel uneasy? If the answer is yes, then it is probably better for your own health and sanity (if nothing else) to quit while you're ahead.

the kisses sweet

first and foremost, don't do anything physical with someone you don't trust. there's such an idea in our society that first dates should end with at least a goodnight kiss, if not sex. the bottom line is, you aren't obligated to do anything. if you have any doubts, don't take chances, but if you feel it's right, and they feel it's right, then it most likely is.

talk about your limits before you're in a sexual situation. tell your lover how far you are comfortable with going, and don't go any further unless you've both decided it's a good thing to do. also, talk about ways of expressing affection which may be uncomfortable for you; having your lover sneak up behind you to surprise you, kissing roughly in play, pinning you down, etc. remember, many physical gestures which may be meant very playfully by your lover can frighten you into an emotional upset.

never be afraid to ask your lover to stop doing something. many of the survivors i have talked to (and myself included) have expressed worries about being "annoying" or "frustrating" when they ask their partner to please stop, but all of the lovers i have talked to have very solemnly expressed the desire to know what is going on, no matter when or how many times it happens. remember, just like sex isn't everything for you, sex also isn't everything for your lover.

regarding flashbacks, nightmares, memories and so forth, don't be afraid to tell your lover about what is going on with you if you want to. i know it is a difficult subject to talk about, but we all have to get to the point, eventually, where we can communicate with our lovers about our feelings, without any shame or guilt involved.

create a peaceful atmosphere: play your favorite music, light candles, burn incense. avoid anything that will make you remember your attack, if possible. also, avoid trying to be romantic at parties and in other crowded places unless you are feeling secure enough that you are certain you can handle the crowds. the level of noise and activity can become very overwhelming and can frequently cause flashbacks on unstable days.

work on being comfortable with your lover. cuddle, hold hands, kiss lightly, brush each other's hair, spend plenty of time together. it will help you build trust and establish familiarity with your lover, and this way more intense physical contact won't be as much of a shock.

notice things about your lover that make them different from your attacker. the color of their eyes, the shape of their hands, etc. look for distinguishing characteristics that can help you know who your lover is if a flashback should surface during intimacy; this will reduce panic and hopefully add comfort to the situation.

keep a good perspective on how you feel about what you're doing sexually. don't ignore your gut reactions; they're usually your most reliable. if you feel yourself starting to slip into numbness, stop immediately and explain to your partner what is going on. talk things over, if you can.

don't try to rush things. keep a good window of time open to be together (this is another place where talking is very helpful) in order to avoid feeling panicky or rushed.

listen to your partner. give them a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, and an open mind. remember, your lover needs to be heard and respected in order to heal. it can also greatly help you understand where your lover is coming from.

provide opportunities for your lover to spend time alone. even though your reaction to their trauma may be to spend as much time with them as possible, survivors also need time alone to sort through things. ask them how much time they want to spend together while they sort through the sexual healing process.

find an outlet for yourself. sometimes it can be difficult to share your thoughts and feelings on the violation with your lover. most crisis lines will offer support for partners of survivors. call your local crisis line for more information.

be accepting and non-blaming, avoid judgements about their experience, know that these are your own issues that you have to work through. even if you sometimes feel like there was something they could have done differently, or another way they could have behaved, avoid telling them about it. the only thing that it will do is make your lover feel at fault.

be open to feelings, and share your emotions with them. it is very important to share your feelings about the violation with each other. tell your partner how it makes you feel that they have been hurt, but if anger is an emotion you feel related to your partner's experience, always be cautious about expressing it. by all means, expressing your feelings is of utmost importance for your relationship to be a strong one, but it is also important to consider where your lover is in their own healing process. they may feel as if you are blaming them for the violation, or your anger may frighten them.

don't rush the process. when the two of you are moving into being sexual together, it may take time. although this can be frustrating, you need to remember that your lover is working through a lot of difficult things. remember that if your partner is reluctant about sexuality it isn't about you, it's about their attacker. it isn't about what you do, it's about what their attacker did.

read body language, try to be conscious of what your partner is feeling. during intimacy it is sometimes easy to forget everything but your own feelings, but you have to concentrate on your lover's feelings as well. don't try to fix them, but be as gentle as they need you to be. ask permission to touch them, be aware of whether or not they are enjoying what you are doing. if it seems like they are uncomfortable, flashing back, or zoning out, stop what you are doing and ask if they need to talk about anything.

don't try to fix them. remember that there are some things your partner has to work through on their own, and that no amount of your help, no matter how much you love them, will fix what has happened. even if you have a wonderful night of intimacy on monday, on tuesday the flashbacks may be back in full force. be supportive of their healing process, but don't try to control it.

be patient with mood swings. it is important not to have expectations of the way your lover is going to feel, because during a difficult day moods can change from depressed to ecstatic to bored to terrified in the space of ten minutes, and for seemingly no reason at all. sometimes, exploring relationships after violation is one of the most difficult challenges a survivor can face, and the emotional weight can take its toll. try to calm your lover down, talk to them, ask what is going on with their emotions.

set and respect sexual boundaries. sit down together and talk about limits. remember, it is important for you to set your own boundaries as well. so even if your lover is comfortable with having sexual intercourse, for example, and you just feel like it would be too much emotionally, say so. respect them and they will respect you. avoid pressuring your partner into anything.

here i have compiled a list of soothing activities lovers can do together that aren't necessarily sexual. for me, being sexual has always been a bit of a challenge early on in relationships, and i hear this from many other survivors as well. doing things like this together helps build trust, establish a strong friendship, and can also work wonders on difficult days.

watch the sunset, the stars, or the sunrise together.
find an open field or a rooftop or a suitable front porch, wrap yourselves up in a blanket, and sit together for a few hours. enjoy being close to one another, having conversation or just watching the world around you in silence, sharing body heat and getting to know each other better.

take showers or bubble baths together, or go skinny-dipping.
spending time naked together will help you get used to each other's bodies so that it won't be overwhelming in a sexual situation, and if you can make it work so that the situation is primarily non-sexual, it can often help the survivor to become much more comfortable with the idea of sensuality.

give each other back massages.
again, this kind of physical contact helps build trust and comfortability between a survivor and their lover, and it can also be an extremely relaxing activity, a great reliever of stress and fatigue.

whisper to each other.
sharing special secrets and inside jokes with each other can help increase intimacy without any danger of uncomfortability.

cook for each other, go grocery shopping.
doing mundane activities together can really help bring two people closer together. run errands, make coffee, do laundry. use times like these as a way to spend casual time together, talking and laughing. not only does it help to distract from traumatic memories and etc., it's also great to have the company of someone you care about.

hold hands, look into each other's eyes.
if talking isn't an easy thing, just sit together, hold hands, and communicate with your eyes. try to look into each other's hearts, feel what your lover is feeling. sometimes sitting in silence with your lover can say more than words ever could.

sleep together.
not sex, just sleeping. sleeping together is an amazing step toward fully trusting someone for most survivors. it might be a good thing to work toward; spend time taking naps together, or spending the night at one another's houses without having sex in mind. drink tea together, maybe read to each other, fall asleep together, and wake up together.

go for a long walk.
especially if a survivor is feeling panicky, walks can help a lot. there are a lot of distractions outside. make sure you don't go anywhere too loud or full of people. stroll along under trees or in parks. hold hands if that feels like an okay thing to do.

do art projects together.
if the violation is something you talk openly about, try doing a healing piece of artwork together. it can be a poem you cooperate to write, a painting, a sculpture, anything. expressing yourselves is vitally important.

hold each other.
find a comfortable place (a bed, a sofa, a secluded lawn) and just hold each other close, without kissing or talking, just being together, breathing, listening.

give random gifts.
pick each other flowers, write poems, bring home lucky pennies and scraps of ribbon, little things that mean something to you. giving gifts is a great way to remind your lover that you care about them even in times of difficulty.

read to each other.
share your favorite books and poems with one another. put aside a couple of hours and take turns reading chapters or passages from your favorite pieces of literature.

remember your dreams and tell your lover about them.
another activity that can build trust and intimacy, sharing dreams with one another can provide insight into what you are both going through emotionally. call your lover when you wake up and share dreams with them. offer interpretation, share ideas.

tell each other your most sacred secrets and fears.
remember to share parts of yourself with your lover. it is easy to withdraw emotionally, but important to know that it is essential to share truths about yourself with them. share happy memories and old nightmares, hopes and aspirations, fears and goals.

talk about how it makes you feel to be together.
tell your lover what you like about your relationship. talk through the frustrating parts. make decisions about how much time to spend together, what you need to work through, and so forth. communication is invaluable.

make sacrifices for each other.
it is important to remember that you should be ready to change plans occasionally for your lover's sake; if she feels like she needs to see you, if he wants to talk about something. understand how important a role your lover fills in your life, and be ready to sacrifice some things to keep the bonds between you strong.

Forgiving an Affair

The discovery of an affair will attack you with shock, anger and numbness. No matter what way you choose to react, your surroundings will look the same afterwards because you have not yet started coping with what has transpired. You find that you are suddenly lost due to being caught off guard. You never thought this would happen to you. So when it does, what should you do when this painful truth is revealed and how can you forgive it?

The first thing to do when you find out that your partner has been cheating is to allow your emotions to flow out of your body. Holding your feelings in will only make you feel worse and cause a tremendous amount of stress both physically and mentally. Once you have expressed your instant reaction, you can start thinking more slowly and rationally. You will start examining your relationship, wondering where it went wrong and if it was ever as wonderful as you claimed it to be. You will create a chain of questions that have not yet been answered and will start feeling farther and farther away from getting any of them answered. Everything will be sorted out time, but first thing is first. and that is getting your emotions sorted out.

Once your emotions have been expressed and sorted out, it is important to remember to not give the affair more power over your life than it deserves, even though at the time being, it feels like the end of the world. The fact of the matter is, it is not the end of the world, but has changed your world and the way you look at it, which is understandable. Know that your partner's affair has nothing to do with his or her love for you, nor does it make you a failure in relationships. What the affair does tell you though, is that there are essential issues that need to be addressed. It is normal to be angry and unable to calmly discuss this with your partner, so let him or her know that (without getting violent or throwing them out of course). Let him or her know that you are deeply hurt and angry that they chose an affair as a way to deal with the issues in your relationship and you are not ready to talk about it just yet.

When you are ready, where do you start? It will be difficult to focus on the discussion if you are torturing yourself with visual thoughts of the cheating act. Make an effort to be strong and avoid the unnecessary painful thoughts that will in no way make you feel better or get your relationship back on track. You know what goes on when two people are intimate, so save yourself the details you already know and spare yourself the hurt. The focus is to find and establish the reasons for the affair and ways you can move on with your lives together, with a new and improved affair proof relationship. Good communication will be the key to your road to recovery, so be sure to ask the right questions, listen with undivided attention and understanding, as well as answering the questions you are asked and finding suitable solutions on how to prevent the same event in the future.

Anger, as well as other emotions, will arise while you and your partner attempt to make things right and better. You may blow up during discussions because your mind will re-fresh your memory of how your partner had the guts to betray you and how stupid, hurt and disrespected it made you feel. Your partner (the afairee) may also become upset because of your non-stop attacks on him or her, especially if they confessed and genuinely apologized. Before attempting any conversations regarding the affair, be sure that you and your partner agree to disagree and express anger. You both need to have patience for each other's feelings, for it will take time to get past the emotional outbursts. If things start getting out of control and you find yourselves no longer talking, but only yelling and blaming instead, end the conversation and give each other some space. You may need to do this several times until you can talk without such interruptions. Take it one step at a time. After all, if you and your partner have made a decision to make things work, then there is no need to rush and panic.

After you and your partner get everything out in the open and understand the roots of the affair, you can then concentrate on re-building the trust and forgiving once and for all. Forgiving your partner does not mean you will forget what happened, but it will mean that you have accepted what transpired and are ready to move forward without bringing the past into your future as a couple. It will be difficult for you to blindly trust your partner again, but you must make an effort, as well as your partner. Your trust will strengthen as time goes by and through the convincing actions of your partner. You cannot put your partner on a leash and monitor him or her 24 hours a day, and you shouldn't want to. Do not expect things to magically improve, because you will be disappointed. Re-building the trust, passion and strength in your relationship will take a reasonable amount of time and could even require counseling if you feel you cannot make it on your own.

Re-building your self-esteem will help you forgive the affair as well. Being betrayed can do great damage to the way you feel about and look at yourself. You may feel less attractive physically and not worthy enough both mentally and spiritually. Get in touch with yourself and terminate your insecurities by finding ways to replenish the perspective you have on your being. Continue to tell yourself that an affair does not change the wonderful person you are and you are just as beautiful, desirable, intelligent and respectable as ever.

To avoid getting pulled back into the past, set your mind and heart on creating new memories together. Exploring new happiness will help your relationship mend and move on greatly. Go on dates, get romantic and become better friends than before! Make a permanent note in your mind that nobody is perfect but everyone deserve forgiveness for their mistakes. Try putting yourself in your partner's shoes and think about the pain and regret they are going through and how much they love you. He or she knew it was wrong to do before they did it, but probably felt it was their only way to cope with their troubles at the time. If you have been genuinely apologized to and promised that it will never happen again, then open your heart and give him or her a chance. You obviously love your partner and he or she loves you, which is why you have decided to forgive and move on. So work as a team and be each other's strength in putting the past behind you, looking at it as a learning experience in which will assist you in making your love affair-proof from this point on.

WAJIB BACA - KEJADIAN KEJAM DI STESEN

Ini adalah sangat menakutkan, serupa dengan kes Ms Canny Ong. Pada suatu hari, terdapat seorang wanita yang berhenti di stesen minyak untuk mengisi minyak. Setelah selesai memenuhkan tangki minyak selepas membayar menggunakan kad kredit di pam dan ingin meninggalkan stesen tersebut, atendan di dalam kedai lantas bercakap menerusi speaker dan memberitahu sesuatu yang berlaku dengan kad itu dan meminta wanita itu masuk ke dalam untuk membayar tunai.

Wanita itu keliru kerana dia telah selesai mengisi minyak dan pembayaran menggunakan kad kredit telah diluluskan. Dia menunjukkan isyarat tangan kepada atendan tersebut dan bersiap sedia untuk meninggalkan tetapi atendan tersebut sekali lagi menggesa wanita tersebut masuk ke dalam kaunter kedai untuk membayar tunai. Dengan perasaan sedikit marah, wanita itu terus masuk ke dalam kedai dan mempertikaikan tindakan petugas tersebut dan menuduh dia menipu. Atendan tersebut memberitahu supaya wanita itu bertenang dan mendengar dengan teliti Atendan memberitahu ketika wanita tersebut sedang mengisi minyak, dia telah melihat seorang lelaki telah masuk ke dlm kereta dan bersembunyi dikerusi belakang . Dengan segera beliau telah menghubungi pihak polis. Wanita tersebut terus menjadi takut dan segera melihat pintu keretanya terbuka dan lelaki itu telah menyusup keluar dan meninggalkan kereta itu dengan tergesa-gesa.

Kes baru-baru ini didapati mempunyai kaitan dengan ujian untuk permulaan geng jenayah terbaru dimana memerlukan seseorang untuk membawa balik bahagian badan seorang wanita .. Salah satu cara yang mereka lakukan adalah dengan merangkak perlahan-lahan dan menyusup masuk ke dalam kereta wanita manakala sasaran utamanya adalah stesen minyak atau di kedai runcit pada waktu malam. Kemudian, mereka akan potong kaki / buku lali mangsa menculik mereka dan kemudiannya membunuh dan mencerai-beraikan mereka. Kaedah lain adalah dengan memaksa wanita itu masuk ke dalam kereta kemudian menculik mereka, Sila sebarkan ini kepada wanita lain, orang muda dan tua.

Pertama, wanita seharusnya lebih berhati-hati apabila ingin masuk ke dalam kereta pada waktu malam.
Kedua, Jangan letakkan kereta di tempat sunyi atau terpencil semata-mata ingin mendapatkan tempat letak kereta percuma!
Ketiga, Jika boleh, elakkan memandu seorang diri pada waktu malam! Ini adalah situasi sebenar! Penculikan! Pembunuhan! Putus dan anggota badan dicerai-ceraikan! Ini semua berlaku di Malaysia !

Jadikan amalan :
1. Pastikan kereta berkunci setiap masa walaupun anda meninggalkan kereta sebentar.
2. Periksa sekeliling kereta sebelum masuk ke dalam kereta.
3. Sentiasa peka terhadap sebarang tanda-tanda pelik dari persekitaran anda dan individu lain di dalam sekitar umum, terutama pada waktu malam

‎~ Never Judge Anyone ~

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. He answered the call ASAP, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block.
He found the boy’s father going and coming in the hall waiting for the doctor. Once seeing him, the dad yelled:
“Why did you take all this time to come? Don’t you know that my son’s life is in danger? Don’t you have the sense of responsibility?”

The doctor smiled and said:
“I am sorry, I wasn’t in the hospital and I came the fastest I could after receiving the call…… And now, I wish you’d calm down so that I can do my work”

“Calm down?! What if your son was in this room right now, would you calm down? If your own son dies now what will you do??” said the father angrily

The doctor smiled again and replied: “I will say what Job said in the Holy Bible “From dust we came and to dust we return, blessed be the name of God”. Doctors cannot prolong lives. Go and intercede for your son, we will do our best by God’s grace”

“Giving advice when we’re not concerned is so easy” Murmured the father.

The surgery took some hours after which the doctor went out happy, “Thank God! Your son is saved!”

And without waiting for the father’s reply he carried on his way running. “If you have any question, ask the nurse!!”

“Why is he so arrogant? He couldn’t wait some minutes so that I ask about my son’s state” Commented the father when seeing the nurse minutes after the doctor left.

The nurse answered, tears coming down her face: “His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was in the burial when we called him for your son’s surgery. And now that he saved your son’s life, he left running to finish his son’s burial.”

NEVER JUDGE ANYONE because you never know how their life is and as to what is happening or what they’re going through.

KEHEBATAN DATO' SITI NURHALIZA

Datuk Siti Nurhaliza Taruddin melonjak riang apabila penyanyi itu dinobatkan sebagai Penyanyi Solo Wanita Terbaik dalam Intuned Music Awards 2011.

Lebih membanggakan, menerusi kategori ini, Siti berjaya menewaskan nama-nama besar dari Indonesia, Agnes Monica termasuklah bintang Hollywood seperti Christina Aguilera dan Avril Lavigne. Tambah unik, anugerah yang dianjurkan portal yang menyampai cerita terkini artis seluruh dunia iaitu Ituned.com turut melayakan artis kegemaran rakyat Malaysia itu meraih anugerah Penyanyi Wanita Paling Seksi.

"Tentang keputusan menang enam anugerah dalam anugerah intuned music ini, Siti berasa ia adalah satu penghargaan daripada para peminat Siti terutama sekali peminat di Malaysia, Indonesia, Brunei dan Singapura. Mereka adalah Sitizoners yang tidak jemu-jemu mengundi Siti.

"Bagi Siti, ia adalah permulaan yang baik untuk 2012 dan bukti bahawa peminat Siti tidak pernah jemu menyokong.

"Bagi kategori seksi, memang Siti dicalonkan dan tak sangka menang pula. Siti ambil kemenangan dalam kategori ini secara subjektif. Walaupun gelaran berkenaan agak panas, tetapi peminat yang memilih. Siti terima saja walaupun memang janggal rasanya bagi Siti," kata Siti.

Menerusi anugerah yang undiannya dibuat secara online ini, pelatun lagu Biarlah Rahsia itu dicalonkan untuk enam kategori.

Selain menang dua kategori Penyanyi Wanita Seksi dan Penyanyi Solo Wanita Terbaik, Siti juga menyapu bersih empat kategori yang lain iaitu Artis/Band pilihan, Album Terbaik, Muzik Video Pilihan dan Penggunaan Media Sosial Terbaik.

Sungguhpun anugerah ini tidak berlangsung secara besar-besaran, pencapaian Siti amat membanggakan kerana dia mampu bersaing dengan nama-nama besar dari barat serta dari artis-artis K-Pop. Syabas dan tahniah diucapkan buat Siti Nurhaliza .

Keputusan Penuh Intuned Music Awards 2011

Artis Pilihan-Siti Nurhaliza

Artis Solo Lelaki Pilihan-Kazuya Kamenashi

Artis Solo Wanita Pilihan-Siti Nurhaliza

Lagu Single Terbaik 2011-Super Junior (Bonamana)

Album Terbaik 2011-Siti Nurhaliza (All Your Love)

Kumpulan Terbaik Lelaki-Super Junior

Kumpulan Terbaik Wanita-Girls Generation

Artis Terbaik-Siti Nurhaliza

Muzik Abiliti Terbaik-Agnes Monica

Muzik Video Terbaik-Falling In Love

Artis Penggunaan Sosial Media Terbaik'-Siti Nurhaliza

Artis Baru Terbaik-Sexy Zone

Artis Lelaki Paling Seksi-Kazuya Kamenashi

Artis Wanita Paling Seksi-Siti Nurhaliza

This happened on TAM airlines

A 50-something year old white woman arrived at her seat and saw that the passenger next to her was a black man.

Visibly furious, she called the air hostess.

"What's the problem, ma?" the hostess asked her

"Can't you see?" the lady said - "I was given a seat next to a black man. I can't seat here next to him. You have to change my seat"

- "Please, calm down, ma" - said the hostess
"Unfortunately, all the seats are occupied, but I'm still going to check if we have any."

The hostess left and returned some minutes later.

"Madam, as I told you, there isn't any empty seat in this class- economy class.
But I spoke to the captain and he confirmed that there isn't any empty seats in the economy class. We only have seats in the first class."

And before the woman said anything, the hostess continued

"Look, it is unusual for our company to allow a passenger from the economy class change to the first class.
However, given the circumstances, the commandant thinks that it would be a scandal to make a passenger travel sat next to an unpleasant person."

And turning to the black man, the hostess said:

"Which means, Sir, if you would be so nice to pack your handbag, we have reserved you a seat in the first class..."

And all the passengers nearby, who were shocked to see the scene started applauding, some standing on their feet."

HAFIZ MENANG AJL KE - 26...TANIAH URANG SARAWAK

taniah hafiz...wk mmg layak menang

masa diumumkan vokal terbaik...

mcm faizal tercakap siapa menang

but am totally hepi dia menang

bila hati ini menangis...bila hati ini sedih...aku akan tulis blog...

Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way to make it all ok. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there and that someone will find you.

A person that loses a spouse is called a widow. A child who loses a parent is called an orphan. But there is no word to describe a parent that loses a child, because the loss is like no other. Will you put this as your status for just one hour? I'm pretty sure I know the ones that will. Think of someone you know or love who has lost a son or daughter and take a few minutes to remember and honor their beautiful angel.

There are days when it will seem like your whole world is falling apart and you will prefer to hide underneath a blanket rather than face the destruction that is taking place around you. These will be the days when the feeling of loneliness finally wins its battle against you and you will surrender yourself to tears and anger of what seems like an hopeless situation. And you’ll want to break down ...without really knowing what you’re breaking down about, other than fact of finally feeling the pain of all the scars you obtained throughout life’s challenges. Without really knowing where to begin to cure the emotional turmoil caused by the weight of this world, you fall to your knees with to intent to get back up again. It will be during these days were you will feel broken.
But it’s important to remember that even though something breaks, it’s isn’t impossible to fix again.

When you feel alone like no one cares, read this because it's absolutely true: Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least 15 people in this world love you. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least 2 people in this world that would die for you. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. Always remember the compliments you've received. Forget the rude remarks. So, if you are a loving person re post this on your status.

Family is family: You argue, you fight, you stop talking at times, but the truth is the love is always there. Love your family with all your heart because you will never know when they will be gone & you will never get to apologize or say goodbye. Always remember what family stands for F(orever) A(lways) M(ine), I L(ove) Y(ou). Repost if you love your family. I love all my family more than they will ever know!!!

For those who may need a little extra help right now...Prayer is a wonderful thing! If you are my friend click the "like" button & then re-post. If I don't see your name, I'll understand. May I ask my "Facebook Family" wherever you may be to kindly copy, paste and share this status for one hour to give a prayer of support to all those who have family problems, struggles and worries and just need to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us, for no one is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support. I know some will!! I did it for a friend and you can too. Share some faith and love for those in need. Life works in strange ways

I don't care what you earn, where you live, what you drive, whether you're gay or straight, fat or thin, tall or short, beautiful or average, rich or poor, smart or not. If you're my friend, you're my friend. I accept you for who you are, and that's ALL that matters. ...If you feel the same.. steal this from me, your friend, like I just did from my friend

I cried when you passed away. I cry still today. Although I loved you dearly, I couldn't make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me he only takes the best. Put this on your status if there is someone in heaven you miss everyday ♥

Family and friends, you never know when your time is up...but please don't ever forget that I love you and always will no matter what!! A good college friend of mine passed away yesterday morning. Larry was a good guy with a great heart. Please keep his family in your prayers. He will be missed greatly!

May I ask a personal favor, if you know someone who has fought cancer and passed away, or someone who is still fighting, please add this to your status for 1 hour as a mark of respect and remembrance, I hope I'm right about the people who will...

Healing a Broken Heart

There is no such thing as a broken heart-only a heart that is learning to love more and better.

Realizing that your heart isn't damaged is a relief. But when you're desperately trying to let go of a former mate, and you're in emotional agony, this bit of wisdom is cold comfort. Many say they can feel a physical aching in the chest that can last for weeks and even months. An inability to hear love songs on the radio without crying is common. At worst, those struggling through a break-up can't stand to be alone, and avoid places where they might see their ex. Conversely, they might even arrange to run in" to their former flame.

Why do we find it so hard to release when a relationship ends? We get emotionally attached when we fall in love. Emotional attachment is wonderful when the relationship is in full bloom, but a great source of pain when the romance is over. Emotional attachment is responsible for much angst, from jealousy to endless mooning over the lost love, to an inability to move on. Once you finally break the attachment, you have a pleasant neutrality towards the former object of your attachment. You know you're over him when you can see him with another woman and not feel a surge of emotion. It's not that you wish him ill; you simply no longer see why you were so hung up on him to begin with.

There are three steps you can take to expedite the process of release and be free of the pain. If you start practicing them immediately, you may find yourself getting on with your life and experiencing a heady freedom by tomorrow.

Step One: Release Constantly. Be aware of how often you think of your former love after the break-up. For example, something may trigger a memory, or a friend may ask how the two of you are doing. Perhaps you go so far as to maintain contact deliberately with his friends and family in hopes of rekindling the flame. Your ex is a point of reference for you. You wonder what he would think of your new haircut, or what she's up to. You may torment yourself imagining her involvement with someone else.

This pattern of thinking is not helpful to you, and it needs to stop. You should cease anbehavior that keeps you hanging on. There is a magic inrelease. If you are meant to be with her, nothing can keep you apart. For now, you need to disengage. Releasing is not something you can fake. You have to really let go. Letting go may expedite her coming back to you, but you can't do it for this reason. She is not with you now, and that reality must be faced.

How to Release: Cease any behavior that propels you toward her. No more phone calls. Avoid places you may see her if possible. You also need to quit thinking about her and imagining a reunion. Every time you start thinking of her, say (either out loud or silently), "I release you to your highest good. I am free now." As you let go, a strange thing will happen. The Universe will begin to support you. Synchronistic events and spontaneous good will arise to distract you or pull you in another direction. Repeat this release, even if you have to do it dozens of times a day. Because you will be getting positive results, it will become easier and easier to do.

Step Two: Focus on Your Life Vision. It is said that what you look for in another is only yourself. Refocus on your own life when you're plagued with thoughts of your ex-loves. This is healing. As you go through the grieving that is natural upon a break-up, begin to open to a vision of your life as you want it. Include not only the perfect relationship but also your life's mission and most importantly, an image of you at your best-in your power and flourishing, living your life to the fullest. Each time you begin to think of your former love, set these thoughts aside and instead contemplate the vision you've begun to create of yourself. Rather than falling into despair or plotting how to get her back, do something concrete to begin making this vision a reality. Your time is better spent, and this refocusing forces you back into honoring your highest self.

Step Three: Dissolve the Pain. Both of the previous steps will help you handle the pain of emotional release. However, if you have had other wounds in your life, you have built up a large emotional "pain body" that has been reactivated by this break-up. It is time to dissolve this pain body so that you'll never experience such deep loss again. Do this by allowing yourself to feel all of the pain you have stored up inside. Know that tears are healing, a release in and of themselves. Allow yourself to sob in the shower. Embrace the part of you that is inconsolable. Instead of fighting the pain in your heart (and any other physical symptoms), let them be, accepting them fully as part of your healing.

As your pain body is dissolved, begin a practice that will keep you free from storing up more pain in the future. Teach yourself to not take on any new pain. To do this, you must change your perspective. First, know that no one is trying to hurt you. They're doing the best they can, and are simply showing you their limits of their insensitivity. This will help you to quit taking things personally and to forgive.

Secondly, quit feeding your pain. Many of us-especially those we would label "drama queens" (and kings)-need to experience pain in order to feel alive. For others, much of our identity is wrapped up in being a victim. The next time you begin feeling pain, catch yourself. Tell yourself, "I'm thinking of him again." The simple act of noticing how you feed your pain will begin to dissolve it immediately. Next, do whatever is necessary to not let the pain mushroom into a full-blown despair. You may need to distract yourself or remember all the good you have in your life.

As you dissolve your pain body and learn new patterns, your release will go very quickly. You will propel yourself into states of happiness and peace you didn't know existed.

Not only will this break-up not kill you, but it may be the best thing that ever happened to you. The pain of a break-up can push you into a world of magic, of release and of healing that you otherwise might not have entered. And even though you may think your ex is the be-all, end-all, of your life, undoubtedly there is more love, even better love right around the corner.

The Biggest Myth Of All About What It Takes To Heal After a Relationship Break up ...

As we continue to work with our relationship breakthrough coaching clients,
nearly every one we've ever talked to after a break-up or divorce has said that they've been told by someone that the most important factor in the healing process is time.

Unfortunately, the people who say that "time" is the most important factor in healing after a break-up are WRONG.

While we agree that time passing is important in the healing process, it's simply not the only factor or even the most important factor in healing as some people believe it is.

Here's why...

If time passing (maybe 6 months) is the only thing that needs to happen in order for you to heal your pain and broken heart, then all you would need to do is let a certain amount of time pass and poof-- just like magic-- your pain would disappear and your heart would be healed.

Unfortunately, this isn't the way the healing process works. It isn't just the time that's important. It's what you do with that time that determines whether you heal your heart or not.

If time passing was the most important factor in healing after a break-up or divorce, then it would be like having a baby. If all goes well, about 9 months later, out comes a healthy new baby boy or girl.

If it worked the same way in healing after a break-up, a certain amount of time would pass and "presto" your heart would magically be healed and you would then be able to go into a new relationship without any baggage from your past.

If this were the way it really was, it would be great. But the truth is that we all know people who've experienced a relationship break-up or divorce and many months or years later, they are still angry, bitter and holding onto the pain of that past relationship.

If you ever hope to heal your heart and find the courage to truly open yourself up to love again, you're going to have to do some things besides simply letting time pass.

The 3 Minute Break-Up Pain Stopping Technique

Here's a very simple technique that takes 3 minutes that you can practice anytime you start to feel overwhelmed by your fearful, angry feelings and negative thoughts.

Use this technique when your negative thoughts and feelings are keeping you from functioning in your daily life and you want to shift them to more empowering ones. Negative thoughts and feelings can become a habit but they can also be changed.

1. SIT--Sit in a quiet place. (The bathroom will do).
   

2. SETTLE--Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, bringing your breath into your feet so that you feel grounded and connected to the earth. Feel yourself slowing down and your breathing deepen. (Maybe 30 seconds)
   

3. AWARENESS--Come into awareness of your negative thoughts in this moment. (What exactly are you thinking? Example: "I'm thinking that I'm a real loser when it comes to relationships.")
   

4. ASK--Ask yourself if you know your negative thoughts to be true--absolutely true. Can you find evidence to the contrary? Chances are you can find somewhere in your life where your thoughts cannot be substantiated.
   

5. ALLOW--Bring your attention to your heart or gut area and feel the sensations in your body. (What are you feeling in your body? Is there tightness, a big knot, emptiness, heaviness?) Allow your sensations to be there without judging them and breathe into that area of the body. (If you feel heavy in your heart area, breathe into that heaviness until the sensation softens. If you felt a knot in your gut area, breathe into that knot until it starts to loosen.)
   

6. REPLACE--Replace the limiting, self-defeating "movie" running in your head to one that is more in alignment with what you want in your life--because the reality is that both outcomes are possible. Run this new movie whenever you feel your negative thoughts coming up in the future. (If you know that your negative thoughts aren't true but you see yourself alone forever and in pain, replace that "movie" with one that could happen that you'd like much better. See yourself taking your next step in an empowered way instead of the damaging cycle you find yourself in.)

Practice this as many times a day that you need. Keep a copy of it with your phone in case you are tempted to call your ex. Put a copy in your car to remind you to stop yourself before you drive by his or her new living situation.

me...

i saw the break-up of my 8 year relationship to my previous partner long before it actually happened but when it actually happened,i was devastated.for many years, the two of us had drifted apart,almost leading separate lives.i took a lot of workshops and trainings that didn't interest him and I wasn't interested in hanging around his new friends.we just wanted to live our lives differently.together, we decided that our relations was over but when the actual time came for him to move out,i was so afraid and upset that i almost couldn't breathe.a few days after he left,i remember rushing outside to lay in my hammock because i just couldn't get my breath when i was in the house alone.my thoughts and fears would get the best of me and even though i knew it was the best thing for us to separate,i was truly frozen with fear about how i was going to maintain the house on my own and that i might never find someone else to love and who would love me.i felt so alone,more alone than i had ever felt in my life. even though i had a lot of friends.but they were married and i wasn't or wouldn't be much longer.although they were understanding,they really couldn't understand what this loneliness felt like to me.i felt like everything in my life had been turned upside down and I didn't even know who I was anymore.believe me,i did a lot of things wrong after my now ex left-things that just kept making my pain worse.i spent several months after he moved out worrying about him,whether he was taking care of himself,his new living conditions and how he was emotionally.

"Are you heart broken, devastated and alone because of a relationship that has just ended?"

You think your relationship might be over. Your pain is unbearable. You feel so lost, alone and confused that sometimes you feel like crawling in a hole and dying. You just want somebody or something to stop the pain so you can feel normal again.

Because of all that's happened, you probably have a million thoughts going through your head right now.

You might be...

~ Wondering when the pain is ever going to stop

~ Trying to figure out what in the world just happened

~ Having trouble sleeping at night because of your "what ifs"

~ Finding it hard to drag yourself out of bed in the morning

~ Trying to let go of your love but you still can't think of anything else

~ Trying to stop crying but the tears just keep coming--and at the worst possible times

~ Feeling "numb" as you go through your day and try to appear "normal"

~ Finding it hard to focus on anything, especially work

~ Wondering if your time with your partner was a total waste of time

~ Just trying to make it through the day without bursting into tears and breaking down--but you do it anyway

~ Thinking you're a total failure at love and you'll never have the kind of relationship you want

~ Not wanting to go home knowing that your partner won't be there and you'll be alone

And what you're really thinking is that this is all some sort of bad dream that you're going to wake up from any moment now and everything will be back to normal.

If ANY of those thoughts and feelings are familiar to you, you're not alone.